I don't have all the answers...

And I didn't ask to be put in this position. All I ever wanted was a little advice. I suppose I have yet to become infuriated with the one person who started all this. It's hard to get mad at some people, and if there's one thing I don't like doing, it's getting mad if I don't have to.

A week ago things were all different. Certain about some things and shaky about others. Today, I'm shaky about some things and certain about others. It's so funny how the world around me can be collapsing, and all I want to do is go for a walk or take a nap. I can keep things together when everywhere else is chaotic, and when everywhere else is serene, I'm all in pieces.

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don't believe it makes me real
I thought it'd be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said
If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own...

One of my favorite songs right there. It's at least 1/2 true. Because at one point I tried to be what everyone else wanted, and now I see that I am definitely better off on my own. Or at least better off when I live on my own terms. "I'll choose how and when I get involved." Probably one of the smartest things I've ever heard my father say. He taught me that you can't live by other people and their demands, because then you're not living as who you really are. My father also stressed to live by your principles, and never stray from what you feel you need to do.

I keep secrets, but who doesn't? I keep everyone's secrets. Somehow, the world picked me to be a mound of secrets. And I have no problem with that honestly. Because there isn't one person on earth that can keep all they know to themselves. I'm no exception, but to share them would be detrimental so I write down whatever crosses my mind. Of course I've kept all you ever told me to myself. And you can always trust me, regardless of how mad you might be with me. I hope that you find it in your heart to continue sharing your life with me. Because I must confess that I miss our talks, our long naps, our jokes and sharing stories. There never was a friend like you before. Nobody ever trusted me like you did, and hopefully still do, but that's doubtful. Come to think of it, you don't trust me because of suspicion, and that right there is the inverse of trust. Simply put, I don't think you could ever fully trust me again, and amazingly enough, I didn't even betray your trust to begin with. I suppose in that regard, history did repeat itself. To some degree, I want that amazing friend returned to me and would do whatever it takes to get you back. But really all I want is happiness, and after being alone for all of winter quarter and now having back the one person who traversed an ocean and came back into my life, and who can seem to care about me on my terms because we want the same things out of life, I've finally got that happiness back. Neither you or I owe the other an apology, maybe just a second chance.

Stay Together For The Kids - Blink 182