"So...you don't really have a day off, do you?"

With that, I stopped and realized my brother was correct, and that might account for why I'm always so tired. But then again, I sleep somewhere in the realm of 8-10 hours a night, so maybe not. Who knows? Who care? Certainly not me, because I don't do anything about it.

Seems I found the road to nowhere, and I'm trying to escape. That's not mine, that's a song lyric. But I feel as though it were the case. I've created two worlds in my head. There's the one where I can go home, and the one where I'm going to stay here. The one with plans for the future, and the other with a demise fast approaching. The one with a fairy tale ending, and the one I live in now. Does any of this make sense? Probably not, because even I can't organize it.

I need some guidance here. What exactly do you want from me? What exactly are we to one another? Something tells me I won't like the answer. Something tells me to run while I still can. But then again, one thought of you and I forget all of that. I forget all the worries that weigh down on me and trouble my mind. You are my daily dose of happiness.

But it can never be. Why? Oh, that's simple. Because I excel at fucking things up. Or at least I have in the past. I hope for the best, plan for the worst, and only have the past to go off of. Shit, I need someone to brighten my day...where's Sally when you need her? Really though, I am a happy person, just one that bitches a lot. I don't know how to be happy for long periods of time, just because that's never been the case. I also burden myself with too many "What if..." questions. Today makes it 3 years. That's a long ass time, but one can't help but wonder what if??? Of course, it's probably all for the better.

Honestly, I do smile, but you're not around enough for me to keep it on my face very long. They say there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and I've got two 1st class tickets for us to go and find out. Even if there isn't one there, at least we took the trip together and we'd have the satisfaction of knowing we tried and found out. Isn't that enough? Apparently not, and apparently, I'd make for bad company. Go figure.

Easier To Run - Linkin Park