The universe is well ordered...

At least I was taught so. That said, there is a system by which things abide. Not necessarily a justification or a reason, but a system. A system does not denote the reason for something, but rather a way which things either are or are not. There is a system to everything we do or fail to do.

My faults are systemic. What I do wrong has roots deep inside of me, and whether or not I "learn my lesson," shit still can and will go array. Don't get me wrong, though, and I must say this so you all don't misunderstand what I'm trying to get across here: I'm a happy person in general. But all the same shit keeps happening over and over again.

That's the nightmare right there. That it's not overt. It's not like in the movie "Groundhog Day," where he was trapped in the same day over and over again. Even then, he had the benefit of having different situations and scenarios happen to him. Not me though. Instead, the world would never understand because I say the same things happen over and over, but the days are different. Nobody could ever look at the situation and understand that shit is repeating itself in a seemingly endless loop that only serves to frustrate me.

After all this, I've come to the conclusion that my preliminary plans were right. Solitude, penance and humility are my only means of redemption. That's right, redemption, because it would seem that my sins are what got me here in the first place, one's so great that they can never be forgiven in this life and possibly not even in the next, and for which I have to try and absolve myself of for the rest of my years. Costing the life of someone who had no chance was not something I wanted at such a young age, but I wanted all the perks that came before it, so it is just that I am condemned to solitude for the rest of my days. All these ideas I'm writing about right now are coming across as disjoint because the capacity to express myself correctly escapes me at the present. Rest assured though that what you think you know about me isn't even the icing on the cake, and if you dug any deeper, you'd realize it's all past due and beyond salvation.

Disappear? Yes. The Geographic Solution? Yes indeed, because it is what my sentence of solitude mandates. Around here, the system will just repeat itself, and I'll find new people to hurt with my old ways and irresponsibility. Besides, who can I really trust anymore? So I bid you adieu and goodbye. Take pleasure in the final entry for this log of my days, and hope that someday, maybe years from now, it will have all been worth it, and that my new position of solitude will somehow make way for the time when I can join back in on the rest of the world.