I think I get it all now. Nothing long term, just the situation I was wondering about with a certain lady. I hate to find out this way, but what can you expect? Actually, I expected a lot better than that, but I can't really complain. It's the way things worked out. Go fig.

"Different day, same shit
Ain't nothing good in the 'hood
I'd run away from this bitch
And never come back if I could...

That's 1/2 true. I won't run away. I've got a few years left before I figure out where I'm going to up and plant myself. 2 years left if all goes well. Maybe by then I can figure this all out.

What can I say, what can I say? I've been having funny dreams lately, some of which I don't really like. Up until this point, I never really had recurring dreams. I've been dreaming of people I haven't seen in years that I really miss. Sort of a Catch-22 if you ask me, because the thing that would make these bad dreams go away is someone I haven't seen in a while, but someone I don't really talk to anymore. By design, not default, and that makes it my fault. Go fig.

Please understand, in the longrun, I'm truly a happy person, I just bitch a lot and often times I forget what I have to be thankful for. The occasional downward spiral helps me to remember what I should appreciate and I think I'm going to come out of this one real soon. Maybe it's genetic? Probably not. Sometimes I think I'm adopted, but then everyone tells me I look like my family. I love them though. Except for the cat. My family tells me I can take anything they say and turn it into something against my cat. Case in point:

"Nice day outside"

"It'd be even nicer without that stupid cat shedding all this hair everywhere."

OR

"Sure is cold out."

"Might be warmer if that dang cat wasn't sitting right next to the heater hogging all the warmth."

But besides all that, I really am a happy person. I miss people dearly, and I sometimes question the validity of my having moved out, but other than that, I can't complain. I told my (crazy)sister once that my lifestyle is not one that anyone could ever complain about or have real wants while living in. That in itself is something monumental if you ask me. I suppose, then, that all that I bitch about is just secondary, peripheral, and extra curricular as my dad would put it. These days though, what I bitch about most of the time is that I can't be with the one person who would make my bad dreams go away. Go fig.

Believe me when I say I'm a happy person. But I'd be happier if I could sleep soundly at night.

Just Another Day - D-Street All-Stars