I appreciate my own honesty...

And yet somehow, I wish that nothing had ever come out of my mouth. I sit here and wonder the possibilities that could have come about. But honesty, integrity and chivalry get the best of me. I wonder what would have happened had I just kept my mouth shut. At least I've tried to keep up the persistence and resiliance that has allowed me to keep my head up.

My cousin almost died. I'm officially making Fridays visiting him days. My friend's brother passed away last Wednesday. I have to go to the funeral next Wednesday. Funerals are not something I appreciate. I thought I was okay with death, but recently, the prospect of a lot of people dying has not been something I've dealt with well.

I'm so fucking drunk, I will feel bad for writing this.

I'm a good friend. I've kept quiet, and allowed you the steps foward which you haven't taken or have allowed to pass or have failed at. You love me don't you?

Apparently my other cousin is still in Europe.

I have had nightmares for the last few weeks. I need to get over that shit. I need to forget about it. I'm in love and I've never felt such despair. I'm in love and you can't imagine the restraint I've exercised. It's 4am and I think that I'm more mesmerized than I've ever been. It's a fad that needs to pass but I know won't.

Someone needs to save me. Fertilizer bombs are not cool. Paintablling is though.

Somebody save me. The cure to all my illness is within arm's reach, but I don't reach for it. I told the girl I love her but somehow, it doesn't make a difference, maybe because I'm drunk. Go fig.

Apocolypse Please - Muse