"This list is an absolute good..."

That's what Schindler's manager told him about his list. Likewise, there are some things in my life that are just truly good at heart. I know I've said recently that I don't believe in absolutes, and I still don't, so let me clarify this. There are some things which the good always and far outweighs the bad. Among them are people, who have in the long run always been there, despite the shit that I give them.

I love my roommate. I love my brother and sister. I love my parents. I love Sabs, Lulu and Chellers. I love my neighbor. These among all other people I know put up with the most crap I dish out and have always taken me back and accepted me as a friend. There are others, but these are the ones that come to mind right now.

I think about this because in the wake of last night, there were a lot of true faces shown, and I realize now that to some degree, it would have been far better to have remained a hermit so as to avoid all the drama and shit talking going on right now. I'm being hated on in a patriotic manner. Furthermore, people want something out of me that I'm just not ready to give.

Since October? Doubtful. And you question my sincerity. You question my convictions. Double-knavery if I ever saw it. You ask what this all is? You wonder if it truly is the worst? Well it is now, because you can't seem to hold on until I'm ready to talk. So forget any chance of anything and I'll be happy as I wave to you from a ship setting sail for the horizon, in a metaphoric sense. I told you all before to make the best with the luck that came your way and nobody listened. Now don't come bitching to me about what was, what could have been or what there will be.

I want my Sabs back.

In due time. But for now, I've managed to talk to 2 out of the 4 who I need to deal with. If I talk to the 3rd, she'll take care of the 4th and I'll have things back to how they were yesterday. And fuck it, but I wish I had a voice recorder handy so I could have recorded those drunk dials I got last night. Aside from all this, I think there's the chance that everyone will finally see me fight, if a bitch can't shut his mouth.

Funny, because I've spent the last 11 years of my life learning to fight and defend myself, but one my biggest fears is that I might still get the shit kicked out of me one day. I know, you think I'm weird or crazy, but honestly I'm not.

In conclusion, or at least getting towards some sort of close, I think I only have a handful of real friends in this world, who in the long run, I don't mind opening up to. People come and go, every nigga knows. But some people have always been there, or let me come back every time, and for them I'd give my first born, I'd do anything if they just ask. Finally, I see that there are 2 sides to every story. I always would laugh because people tell me their side of the story, then the other player comes and tells me their version, their perspective. I see now that in this instance, half of what's going on is because of perspective. Because of their viewpoint. Skewed or clear, it doesn't really matter. All that does matter is that one realize that there are 2 sides, or more, to everything. I need to reconcile my side with a friend's, and then everything will be fine. Nothing disjoint.

Giving up drinking every night was a good idea, and I'm glad I've cut back heavily. From 5 or 6 times a week to just twice in over a week is damn good if you ask me. Pretty soon it'll be once every few weeks. I'll be happier that way. And when I get my superfriends back. No more alcohol, no more ice cream, no more vices in general. And I don't want to hear shit about how it might not be a good idea, because giving up bad things is a good thing. That might sound dumb because of how simple it is but it's damn true. If nothing else, just remember that I've been through some things that I can help you avoid, and if you don't believe me, I'll be standing at the finish line when you cross it, if you make it, and I'll have to say I told you so.



 

You look at this face and see despair, but that's because of what's inside you. I look at this face and see the hint of a smile brewing. Weathered, tattered and tired, somehow there's a smile coming. And if you look at my face, you'd see the same thing. All this shit caught me off guard this morning, but within an hour, I was already starting to smile. So now I bid you adieu and goodbye. Best of luck to you, even if you didn't listen to what I have to say, because you'll see that I'm right in the end.

Rose In A Concrete World - Joe