There's got to be a reason...

We live in an age of science and reason. Without those two, our explanations of things would be no better than myths and stories. I'd like to think that humanity has progressed further than that. By just accepting things or making up some random justification, we're no better than the ancient people whom we laugh at for thinking that an eclipse was a dragon swallowing the sun or that winter came because a goddess missed her daughter who had to live in the underworld.

That said, I'd like to think I can deduce a reason for most things people do, especially those people I know well, even when they don't say it outright. Watching people's actions and trying to understand them helps you understand yourself. I don't know how well I know myself, but maybe that's why I look to others and their actions: to understand the world and myself.

You don't have to give me a reason, because I already figured it out. I'm not the end, I'm just your means. I thought I had the strength to show you that I could be your goal, what you would want after it was all said and done with, but actually I don't. I thought I did, but your honesty, which I appreciate, shows me that nothing I could ever do would change how you feel about other people in the equation. I don't blame you, I don't hold and judgments, and I harbor no ill will. I am still and will always be your friend, but that's about all I'll ever let myself be because you obviously find comfort in other places and don't need what I have to offer. Maybe you do actually, but what I'd give you would only be the means to endure the coming months, after which time things will have the chance to go back to how they were with you before and you might want to leave.

My reason for pulling away? Well, it's simple. Your reason for doing what you did is that you still care. Admirable, and nothing to be ashamed of or blame you for. But that shows me that I'm not something to be valued. It shows that I'm secondary, and that even if things went where I wish they would, in the end, when opportunities come back, I'd have to wonder if you'd leave too. In the back of my mind I'd always wonder how valid it all is, no matter how gratifying. I can't do that to myself, so I'll smile and wave, being the friend you wanted me to be all along.

Pretty Girl(The Way) - Sugarcult