You wept...

...but your soul was willing. That's what the song says. I hear it every single day and only now have the words sunk in. We don't always regret that which happens to us out of our control, though most of the time we use the lack thereof as an excuse to cry about our situation. And sometimes, just sometimes, we give up long before the fight has ended only to lose what we started this struggle for in the first place.

I can't say whether or not this road I'm on will lead me to success or not, but I can say that it's a dangerous one and that at any moment, the ground could give out and I could fall to my doom. Let's hope that doesn't happen. Then again, that might have been what you were hoping for all along.

I once told an old friend that I wish I could say everything that I wanted to say all at once, then make any and everyone forget I ever said anything at all. I guess none of that matters now. This is a road I walk alone, for good reason and for all parties involved. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. I guess I'm just that stubborn horse that wouldn't drink when the way was shown to me and now I find myself looking for water at every turn. Like I said though, it's better this way, for any and all who might have tried to otherwise help. You were the only one I ever counted on and now that you're long gone, well, it seems as though that I was right all along. Everything and everyone you care about will be gone someday, and that day is what I dreaded with all my heart. I wish with everything I have that it never had to end like this. I just read Postsecret and I wonder if you sent in that card about me. It'd make me smile. And that's something I don't do much anymore.

My best friend and I thought it would be cruel to take a little kid's toy and yell "Don't ever love anything!" as we ran away with it. Now, in retrospect, it would have been the more humane thing to do. It's a lesson we all learn a little too late.