"...and all the random stuff I do..."

My family has the gene of insanity. I used to make fun of my sister all the time about it, when in reality, it probably skipped her. Schizophrenia, depression, etc., you name it, we've got it.

In all honesty, it makes me wonder how much of you is nature or nurture? But I can tell you one thing for certain: I am not crazy. I think what I lack is putting my foot down at the right time, easing up at the wrong time, and any number of mismatched qualities.

"If there was nothing around you, if there was no job, no house, no family...what holds you together?" Wise words. I asked two co-workers today, both of whom are married and I admire their relationship advice very much, just what keeps things together? There's a difference between stoicism and quiet anger. I used to lash out at the world, at people, when something didn't go my way. For all the years I was teased as a child, I turned into the same thing that tortured me and was a harsh friend to those I cared about most. In the last two years though, the one person I've loved more than anyone or anything has shown me that there is more to a relationship that meets the eye. That you have to communicate, you have to keep reaching out to one another and understand each other.

I just wonder if it's too late for her to see that I cherish every moment with her. I remember an argument we had once about "being enough," and how the tables seem to have turned on us.

The answer? Yes. YES! A thousand times, yes...but when you needed to give 1001, it just isn't enough. It's funny, I wonder about walking away from a lot, including my job, my friends, my possessions. But never would I walk away from the one person in all the world who when I look into her eyes, I see my future. I see grey hairs and and grandchildren. I see 50th wedding anniversaries and every imaginable laugh and good time ahead. Together. End of story. So when I say I love you and you ask, "You promise?" know that there is nothing else in the world I've ever been more certain of.